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One Bad Apple Spoils the Bunch

So, since last week people have been asking me if I’m going to see Snow White and the Huntsman.  They say, it’s right up my alley; fractured fairy tales with balls and Chris Hemsworth (I didn’t know those were the things that predominately made up my alley, but I guess they are.  It’s a niche alley, what can I say).  They say, the movie looks great, and I agree.  There are visuals in the extended trailer that are honestly arresting. But then, a wince of apology crosses their face as the proposal inevitably turns to the awkward, wheezing elephant in the room: Kristen Stewart.

Here’s the thing: She works in the Twilight movies because she just fades into the rest of the terrible that makes them up.  She’s part of the complex pattern of a particularly crappy Magic Eye picture that, if you stare at long enough and are really, really lucky, you can make out the faint outline of a plot.  But in Huntsman, a movie with cinematography, production value, and actual acting, poor thing sticks out like a sore, perpetually confused thumb.

Since my general reaction to its leading lady is “bleh” and I don’t want to distract other theater goers with that sound every time she comes on screen, I will not be seeing Snow White and the Huntsman, not in movie theaters anyway.  But my apologies to Charlize and Chris, strong and silent victims in this whole thing.

– Aquisha


2 responses

  1. Oh, Aquisha…so angry…so dismissive. I hear, via Boner-Alert: Catherine Rietman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t_8VkA-XGE&feature=youtube_gdata_player , that ole Pouty Face K. Stew does well in the movie and actually brings the goods. Stop being so cruel and unforgiving and at least consider giving her a shot! Think of Mark and Jeremy…

    09/06/2012 at 15:37

    • aquisha

      Bless those with minds more open than mine. And trust me, I’ve paid my K Stew dues with the Twilight franchise; I think viewing those eats up my patience for watching her in anything else (my fault, I know, but I find them hilarious, what can I say).

      I hope she is good; like I said, the movie looks worthy of good turns by all. I just won’t be seeing it in theaters. I’m sure I won’t be above it on a boring Saturday night when it reaches cable.

      09/06/2012 at 16:15

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